Brock and Marta...a love story

Published Saturday, December 17, 2011 by jodi renee.

 

A lot can happen in the course of a day...
Disconnected to re-inspired.
It seems fitting to post (finally!) these photos now.
After just having had the most incredible food, and conversation with the best company...
I honesty think that 'conversation'...is one of my most favourite things.
Following great people of course :)

Rewind to this past summer...
More than a love story...they share a life story that is mind blowing and heart opening.
I knew when we originally did these photos in the summer that I was going to experience something extraordinary.
And right I was...
Because they're extraordinary people.
Brock so real, honest and down to earth.
Marta so sincere, compassionate and genuine.
Beautiful inside and out.
Everything is in sync...from the way they eat, how they nourish themselves and one another.
Coming together was a 'knowing'.
And it's inspiring to see two people completely move in a direction so effortlessly BECAUSE they know...who they are and what they mean to one another. (that's not to say they don't fight and Marta wins.) Obviously.

This is what makes my heart come alive.
And often, I can forget this. In a world where I make myself the most important thing.
There are so many great people in my life and the absolute blessing that IS THE WORK THAT I DO.
It's not about showing up at the door with a camera and an hour.
It's about sitting down. Having conversation. Who are these people, what do they love...who do they love...and WHY?
Insert an exploration of the heart.
We laugh...we cry.
And I've now decided that all the friends that are with me on this *journey* must be chefs (or at least have strong technical skills in the kitchen for awesome food...)
I want to embark IN your life.
Just as it is...
Because I can honesty say that looking through these photos, I not only see...I FEEL the presence of who these people are. A real, raw and genuine legacy that is...The Story of Brock and Marta...

Oh! and go figure that they're just like me :)
Owners and creators of Fit for Two TV! {dedicated to health}
Their mission? To inspire and empower others to lead happy and healthy lives. Truly believing that each person is their own health advocate. From workouts, to food and recipes...taking new risks...they'll sift you through the overwhelming info that's out there - essentially helping you find your purpose and joy. Inspired? Cuz I am...

From the dark to the light...
I'm reminded of THIS.

It is the lives we encounter that make life worth living.
~ Guy de Maupassant

love...jodi renée xo
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treading water...

Published by jodi renee.

To love yourself as you are is a miracle, and to seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now.
And now is all we have, and love is who we are.
~ Anne Lamott

Life is challenging...
And it'll test you.
Far more and to a depth that I've never experienced before.
Anything and everything from finance to friends...business...
love and life.
leaves me standing somewhere.
For a minute like someone pressed paused. As I digest...often shaking my head...
Before the tears seem to fall.
...someone has left the tap running.
Grab a dingy (a kayak for better manuevering if you wish)
I feel that I'm complicated at times. Too emotional.
I curse my ability to feel so much.
And yet, this is the place from where I create...
Funny that what attracts people to me is what also drives them away.
If I dial down one part...then the whole changes.
I feel that's where my discomfort comes in.
I start to question myself.

I wanted these writings to pick up and be more inspiring, light hearted...festive even.
And yet I'm brutal at being fake...hiding the truth.

I stopped by my parents yesterday...mom asked me if I remembered the cradle I used to put my dolls in when I was younger.
Of course.
Dad had painted it...it's like brand new.
They were going to give it to my niece for Christmas...
My niece.
And of course it would be a 'loaner'...they would give it back.
I wasn't prepared to unleash the floodgates. I knew my mom didn't have a raft let alone a life jacket.
I threw on the blank stare, peppered with mild irritation.
"You don't loan things as gifts and expect to get them back mom"...
Was it selfish of me to want to hold onto this? Someone else...someone whom I loved with all my heart could be enjoying this... when I may not...possibly ever have anyone to give it too? Like the book I bought years ago...tucked away in my chest...waiting. So often I'd considered it a gift to give someone else...

My biological clock right now tuned in like a Christmas station.
It's hard not to think there's something wrong with you when the rest of the world is signing up for baby number 2.
The irony. I LOVE kids and people...
The feeling of family and love's undeniable soul filled embrace.
I want a family...a home filled with laughter, chaos...and the smells of Christmas cookies. I want passion, oodles of love and ridiculous fights rooted in KNOWING that love endures. ...this is life. And why do so many of us run from the parts that make us uncomfortable? an effortless seeking to one feeling only?

I spoke to someone earlier in the week who said..."tread water Jodi"..."In the eye of of a storm, with your boat on the water...any amount of swimming can send you back in just one wave..."
Exhausting yourself, you'll get no further.
Thank God for life lines.
They're the people - and very few. Who actually know what's going on (...and can often be somewhat strangers)
They don't judge you. They're always there for you and NEVER get exhausted from trying to pull you out of the river of your own making.
They actually jump in WITH YOU.
And I can't tell you how long I'll be in this river.
I do know that I can and will ride this out...
I promise.
Because I trust in the greater purpose of this awesome, amazing life.
Believing that, if I just trust the flow NO MATTER HOW FEROCIOUS THE WATERS...it's taking me somewhere.
It knows.
...I might just need a few more swim suits (unless of course we're talkin abroad and heeyyyy let's just forgo the top...) Banana hammock anyone?

loving you...xo
jodi renée

The solution is at hand. Wherever the great dilemma exists is where the great growth is, too. As Einstein taught us, everything in the future and the past is right here now. There's always something ending and something beginning. Yet in the very center is the truth of your spiritual identity: is you. Fabulous, hilarious, darling, screwed-up you. Beloved of God and of your truest deepest self, the self that is revealed when tears wash off the makeup and grime. The self that is revealed when dealing with your anger blows through all the calcification in your soul's pipes. The self that is reflected in the love of your very best friends' eyes. I pray that your awakening comes with ease and grace, and stamina when the going gets hard...
~ Anne Lamott

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the magical uncomfortable carpet ride {roller-skates sold separately}

Published Monday, December 05, 2011 by jodi renee.

A genuine odyssey is not about piling up experiences.
It is a deeply felt, risky, unpredictable tour of the soul.
~ Thomas Moore

They invited me in for training...
for a J-O-B.
like the 9-5 kind....(insert cringe here)
Full time working for the man.

The realtor left this morning with the advice I kinda knew for myself...
sell or rent.

Wishing that the wipers on the car could do the same for the stream of tears that were making their way down my face.
I did something that was unconventionally NOT me however sometimes embracing your inner bitch keeps her on your side ya know? fighting with the same team instead of against...
So I flipped the jackass on the highway the finger then politely waved as I passed him.
Where the funk is everyone going so fast in the same direction with their 360 blinders on?
Can we see the world around us? God I didn't need him to pass me a tissue or pull over on the side of the road to embrace me as I threw a dramatic 'fall down on my knees'.
And this is all GREAT news! a JOB...a possible move...
Just so many rugs being pulled out from underneath.
All at once.
I have to keep reminding myself that this IS the magic.
This glorious uncomfortable UNKNOWN of my life right now.
(although Aladdin's whole carpet thing seems A LOT more lucrative then the rugs at moment.)

I had a potential client tell me I had no conscious on the weekend...
And then follow up with a "you suck at your job" (in a nutshell)
Imagine that I had a gut feeling about NOT working with this client - which is why I fired her before I even hired her.
Yea, I have these feelings and in the past when I don't roll with'em, they rock with me....
And not the Rock and Roll where you pull out your favourite jean jacket that you've been dying to wear while pitching an air guitar to your biggest fan - you - in the mirror.
No. The roll that rocks your world and everything is just WAY more difficult than it needs to be.
There's a big misconception that we have to take all the business that comes our way.
Scrap that.
I started my business to create a dream job working with dream people.
Thus my salute to the 'gut' feeling.
It took me 2 minutes to digest that this MEAN person saying I had no conscious might wanna take a look in the mirror. Lady - I'm a photographer doing the best I can here. I will suck at a lot of things and business is one of them. My intentions are GROUNDED in full on heart.
Terrorists on the other hand...may be the ones that have no conscious.
Thank you for your un-business. Don't come again.

I think if I hear someone say, "I don't know what to say to you" (especially the people so-called closest to me) ONE more time! ...I might just do the dramatic fall on my knees.
Can you tell that this is something that I think I might really need to try?
I think we all need to at some point.
Probably why I have a therapist. Yep.
Support isn't SAYING the right thing or even knowing what to say - it's just about BEING there for someone.
Holy shit! we are so ignorant in our emotions that obviously we can't handle anyone else's
(insert the guy who sees you signaling on the highway AND because of those invisible blinders he pretends NOT to see you while your lane is already merging ...and well...you get the picture....) bird. flipped.
I grew up under a big broom that swept ANY kind of confrontation under the rug...
So quiet, so repressed...for so long.
Uh...probably why I'm an over-communicator that is dishing out my dirt to the WORLD.
and do you know WHY I do this?
Because we have all been 'here'...and some of us...still are here...
I have been inspired and MOVED by the people who share everything.
If I show you the pretty positive side all of the time (which I have for so long) then it's delusional.
Because to get HERE...this awesome *fucking uncomfortable* place...I need it ALL.
The ups and downs, the tears the laughter.
And I'm sad for humanity that runs from all of this...
We can't expect the world, when we run from yin...only to yang.
When we jump for joy at the sun and not for the rain (that makes the grass grow...)
Everything is necessary.

So I cry ALOT...coming down from the rock to fall on my knees...yessssss.
Probably really falling off the rock and if I'm landing on my knees...throw on some pads.
Most likely roller-skating -- That's a time-machine dream right there. And a disaster at the same time.
But because I'm that person that pulls...and motivates and moves...others.
Who does that for me?
it's tough...really tough.
(insert my therapist)
It's hard to hear others say "walk your talk"..."this is what you'd tell me"...
And hi.
I'm human.
I can't get to the places I want to go until I breakdown sometimes...
I have to go back often, to move forward.
And I'm ok with that.
I'll embrace that.
Just don't tell me I need depression meds...
because our ability to FEEL is the best guidance tool we have.
And I'm not judging those who need to take them, I just know - I love to feel.
Everything.
And if you're going to tell me, "I don't know what to say to you"...
well...really...I don't know what to say to YOU.
Only that I hope you don't ever have to say that to your significant other or children one day.

Imagine that my brother and I were strangers growing up and I called him during cry-fest to dump it all...
Like the wipers I would have needed if I were the windshield...clarity.
He SEES me - without even having too.
We created a relationship that goes beyond what I would have ever imagined.
Because I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my rock and my best friend.
Annnnnnd...
The point of this rambling?
Don't be worried...for me...or even yourself - if you're going through the shit right now.
As you make your way through, in and around this world however...
Take off the blinders.
Bring out your wipers...
It's time we encourage tears, rain...what have you.
And just BE what others need from us.
Ourselves.
Human BEINGS.
Not running from every uncomfortable emotion.
Swapping the blinders for the LOVE goggles (okay I'm sure you think I'm smokin some incense
hugging a tree over here - not at the moment thanks.)
Give people, close to you OR, that you've never met before...
the most valuable, precious thing you have.
YOUR TIME.
You have no idea what it means for me to get emails from people "thanking me" for sharing my fucked up BEAUTIFUL journey.
Don't underestimate the power of reaching out...
In it's smallness.
It's huge.
Massive love for you....
jodi renée xo

And if you're wondering why I'm looking for a full time JOB ...gahhhh...
you'll have to wait till the next chapter :)

Thanks for being here.

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